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Epiphany

The Last Hustle: From Impossible Darkness to Unthinkable Light
May 17, 2017,
Episode 4

Kenny Johnson was trapped in a life that seemed impossible to escape. You could call it a kind of hell. More than twenty years in prison, sometimes just fighting for his life. What he wanted was just to be free. What happened to him was beyond his wildest imagination. This month's epiphany story is about amazing grace. It's about discovering light in the darkest of places.

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“Regardless of those people who depend on you, it is possible for you to be true to who you are. Compassionately, ruthlessly true to who you are. . . true to the open heart.”


The most common question Gangaji receives at the end of a retreat is, “How can I trust myself to be true to the truth of who I am while living my daily life?” How do we raise children, pay the bills, go to work, or sustain a marriage and be true to who we are? Is it really a question of trust? In this episode, Gangaji speaks to what is actually closer, and more essential than trust.

“Regardless of those people who depend on you, it is possible for you to be true to who you are....

“Regardless of those people who depend on you, it is possible for you to be true to who you are. Compassionately, ruthlessly true to who you are. . . true to the open heart.”


The most common question Gangaji receives at the end of a retreat is, “How can I trust myself to be true to the truth of who I am while living my daily life?” How do we raise children, pay the bills, go to work, or sustain a marriage and be true to who we are? Is it really a question of trust? In this episode, Gangaji speaks to what is actually closer, and more essential than trust.

“Regardless of those people who depend on you, it is possible for you to be true to who you are....

“The mistake is overlooking what is effortlessly, choicelessly, always here.”


How is it that we actually overlook the truth of ourselves? When we pursue sublime states of mind to attain “unity” on our spiritual path, we can go down a path that instead delivers an experience of separation. Gangaji invites us to simply be, and in that, discover what cannot be “done” and who you truly are.

“The mistake is overlooking what is effortlessly, choicelessly, always here.” How is it that we...
“The secret of freedom is giving up the choice to escape yourself.”

A prison inmate’s letter inspires this month’s podcast. In one of the most loved monologues in the archives, Gangaji speaks of the essential choice to face what has been feared or run from for most of our lives. When we give up any idea of healing and directly experience the woundedness,  we discover a deeper truth—the truth of who we are.

Learn more about the Prison Program.
“The secret of freedom is giving up the choice to escape yourself.” A prison inmate’s letter...
At some point in our lives, we will experience a loss of innocence. Whether that disillusionment is with ourselves, our family, or with life itself, there is a choice that arises in the midst of loss. Will we fall into cynicism and self-betrayal? Or will we meet the pain of that loss directly and in that, discover the innocence that was never lost.
At some point in our lives, we will experience a loss of innocence. Whether that disillusionment is...
“You are free to discover yourself as Truth. You are free to rest in that Truth. You are free to be happy, regardless of your body, your thoughts, emotions, or circumstances.”

In this month’s podcast, Gangaji begins with a clear exposition on how it is absolutely possible to discover yourself as Truth, no matter your past history. Then in the lively exchange that follows, she speaks to how we deny the truth of ourselves and instead, cling to an identify rooted in our thoughts, emotions, and relative circumstances. Do you dare give up your self-denial?
“You are free to discover yourself as Truth. You are free to rest in that Truth. You are free to...
“There is no problem with pain. There is pain. If you are seeking something to avoid pain, that’s the suffering. That’s the search that must be called off.”

It takes effort to avoid our emotional pain. We can try to avoid it, but ultimately the common strategies of withdrawing, protecting, and dissociating from feelings of hurt actually turn emotional pain into unnecessary suffering. This lively exchange taken from the Gangaji archives offers a clear demonstration of how we can recognize the strategies we use and then choose to give up the power to suffer.
“There is no problem with pain. There is pain. If you are seeking something to avoid pain,...
“If you stop thinking about how to get out of the body that may be painful or how to keep the body that is pain free, you get to experience the truth.”

Physical pain is an essential aspect of life that serves the survival and well-being of the body, but we can easily turn that necessary pain that alerts us to injury and illness into unnecessary suffering. What is the difference between pain and suffering? What can physical pain reveal to us when we meet it directly?
“If you stop thinking about how to get out of the body that may be painful or how to keep the body...

Where is the life you want?


As much as we can fear death, we can also fear living a full and vibrant life. In this exchange, Gangaji helps a woman get to the root of what keeps her fear of vibrancy running. This conversation demonstrates how each of us has the capacity to discover how to live a true and full life.

Where is the life you want? As much as we can fear death, we can also fear living a full and vibrant...
“The strategies and avoidance around the experience of “not being” or death are what keep you from the experience of eternal life.”

As a young boy of 16, Ramana chose to stop running from what he feared and turned to face death directly. In that moment of inquiry, he opened his mind asking, “Who dies?”  All of us share that same opportunity to stop running and inquire into what we fear most—the end of “me.” In the willingness to investigate death itself, we can discover what cannot die, we can truly rest in the peace that is present here and now.
“The strategies and avoidance around the experience of “not being” or death are what keep you...

“It was a fire. It was really a fire because it was a razor’s edge. All of sudden there are these huge groups. And if I identified even the slightest negatively or positively…I am sliced on this razor I am living on. It was really a necessary fire. I had to be quiet. I had to be still.”


This month we share the soundtrack to a special 30th anniversary video honoring the community of volunteers and donors. The video begins with Gangaji’s first meeting with Papaji in 1990. After Gangaji speaks about her earliest experiences of teaching, we see what unfolded through community efforts in the years that followed. Includes featured music from Jami Sieber, Kirtana, and Amber Terrell.


“It was a fire. It was really a fire because it was a razor’s edge. All of sudden there are...
Gangaji speaks about the role spiritual practice plays in our lives and invites us to discover what we are practicing when we “get off our cushion and the chanting stops.” What do our spiritual practices give us? What do we hope they will give us? What can they never give us?
Gangaji speaks about the role spiritual practice plays in our lives and invites us to discover what...
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Some people have no fear of death while others brace against it, either consciously or unconsciously. If we do the best we can in life, if we live a conscious life, is it possible that we can somehow increase our own potential for a good death? Is there such a thing as making the wrong decision when it comes to death? As we struggle with subjects like prolonging life and assisted suicide, Gangaji opens the door for us to inspect our deepest fears around our own mortality. When we put all spiritual concepts aside, what does it mean to have a “good” death?
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From the time we are born we are bombarded with countless messages that tell us that in order to be fulfilled we need to be different than who we are. In our everyday lives our attention is directed to how we look, what we feel, what we have and how we behave. But how do these unavoidable aspects of life keep us engaged in the endless cycle of thinking we are actually a "thing" that constantly needs to be fixed? If ultimate peace is not found in losing the next pound, solving the next problem, making the next dollar or understanding the next teaching then where is it?
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The act of forgiving another, not to mention oneself, is a great power. Forgiveness has the potential to annihilate even the most intense feelings of betrayal and isolation. But what about situations that seem impossible to forgive? What is the cost if we are unable or unwilling to forgive? And what is revealed when we are willing to experience the pain underneath "should forgive" or "can't forgive"? This month we're talking about the complexity of betrayal and what's possible when it comes to forgiveness.
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Going back through human history, there have been individuals who have had profound spiritual awakenings. As a result, they seem to possess a deeper understanding of what we might call God or stillness or presence. They are sometimes called “enlightened beings”. They stand before us as proof that we too can connect to this essential part of ourselves. For more than twenty years, Gangaji has said she's just like us, but how do our beliefs that she is different, that she has something we don't have, keep us from the exact thing that we are searching for?
Going back through human history, there have been individuals who have had profound spiritual...
Some people might experience it as insecurity and for others it might feel like outright self-hatred. The desire to protect ourselves from this feeling of unworthiness shows up in different ways. There are those who try to outrun it by building themselves up in the hope that no one will see their flaws, while others tear themselves down as proof of this not-enoughness. Either can be seen as an avoidance of actually experiencing the core of what we perhaps fear ourselves to be. What would a happen if we gave up on trying to be "enough"?
Some people might experience it as insecurity and for others it might feel like outright...
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Episode #7
The Fierce Fire of Grace
Stevie Leppard had everything anyone could want on the outside, lots of money, fancy cars, a successful career, but on the inside his own self-hatred felt intolerable. Suicide seemed like the only way out. It was grace that would eventually save him, but it was a fierce grace.  How Stevie would go on to meet Gangaji is just part of his amazing story.
Stevie Leppard had everything anyone could want on the outside, lots of money, fancy cars, a...
Episode #6
A Gap in the Road
It was the middle of the night.  Harriet Watson was driving down a dark, snow-covered road alone, barely able to see what was in front of her.  Suddenly, she was startled by a loud thud.  In the moments that followed, her life would change forever.  From the frustration of a life of rigid rules and beliefs to the experience of profound freedom, this story is a testament to the trustworthiness of life.
It was the middle of the night.  Harriet Watson was driving down a dark, snow-covered road alone,...
Episode #3
The Bridge Between Love and Hate
In October of 1998, a talented musician named Craig Johnson, along with millions around the world, was rocked to his core by the brutal murder of Matthew Shepard. It was a hate crime, a hate crime against gays. In the years that followed Matthew Shepard's death, although they never met, he and Craig would become brothers in the deepest sense.  At the core of Craig's story is the question, is love present in the midst of the unthinkable?
In October of 1998, a talented musician named Craig Johnson, along with millions around the world,...
Episode #2
The Medicine Woman
Mica Carew comes from a long lineage of medicine women. Her grandmother taught her that if you quiet the mind you can hear another person's body.  And from the age of nine, that's the medicine she practiced.  In her twenties, she turned her back on her native medicine.  It was a sincere and desperate prayer for help that took her on a journey she never could have imagined.
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Trained as a hospice nurse, Carole Downing held the act of tending to people as they died as an honor and a privilege.   In her early forties, the mother of a young son, the unexpected death of her husband forced Carole to face death in a way she had never done before.  What she learned in the midst of her grief is a lesson for us all.
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Theme: Highlights from Retreat: Who You Are Is Life
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