I heard Gangaji talk about ‘a tear’ this week at the live meeting (See the video below). The terrifying experience of ‘tear’ had been, since I can remember, my mind falling apart. Descending into some kind of madness. Never to return. I’ve always named this trauma. Even built a career as a trauma therapist around it. I have tried a million different ways to control conditions and prevent the next tear. To mend the tear. Ignore the tear. Dissociate from it. Dramatize/emotionally release it.
Nothing has changed it. I’ve been either winning the war or nearing the next decent into death/madness… Then the shame would return of not being able to stop it. And the tear was unchanged.
I couldn’t believe I was hearing Gangaji speak these words, this week…Something immediately opened. To the unfathomable. The shame lifted and something just took flight. Into the universe – the tear become the cosmic window to slip though. The diamond inside.
I’ve always believed that the tear was a curse and couldn’t be mended. But this week I discovered it as a GIFT/PORTAL, direct from the cosmos… offering a window… into the night, into the infinite, into the totality, into the birthless, the deathless, into the crackling of creativity its self, into the vast no-thing, into the ten thousand things.
From here, I can see the comings and goings… come and go. All the states…as just another appearance of this radiance.
Thank you Gangaji for supporting this discovery.
Thank you Sangha.
In writing these words, it deepens and widens.
In Grace.
Caroline lives in Melbourne, Australia and first met Gangaji a couple of years ago listening to her talk with Sam Harris on his podcast. "I had never heard her before and something blew open. A year later she appeared in a dream - pointing to the river Ganga, whilst rolling in laughter. There’s been a trustworthiness in the pointing, and the river itself!"
