Just Like You
by Lynley Hocking
Nothing can keep me down
It is your very breath
Oh infinite love
That bares my soul
I say stop, don’t, please
I say come
Walk on Water
This is my purpose for being here
To be swallowed by the whale
To die to self
To take one shaking step after another
Over the cliff of reason
To trust the infinite will catch me
To walk on Water
Consciousness is raining kisses all over me
As I lay in this death challenge
Watch the dissolution of all you thought you were
Don’t fight it
Your voice is in my ear
Like A possum caught in the cage of my diaphragm
Its nails are sharp they puncture inside
So I lay on this mattress and inquire.
The flow of life goes onward
its a bare warm street
despite the flow of traffic.
Can you feel how warm it is?
beneath your feet?
The smell of bitumen
The kids playing cricket out on the road with an old tin bin for stumps
The melody from the ice cream van the magpies picking in the gutters
The wind in the eucalyptus?
There is a possum in my diaphragm
scrambling and scratching
Inquiry into the panic
and its the same bare street
The same bare street beneath.
Oh Daughter thy daughter
This Five foot eleven daughter at my door
in corduroy overalls and bare feet
from whence hast thou appeared?
Wild surfing hair and honey brown eyes
Striding around the room.
’Jasmine and I at the party.
Sophies moved now.
Dads obsessed with rock collecting’
I watch her fireworks
I hear her opinions
We drink chai tea
’Im in love with this guy’
like I’ve not met him yet but look at him’
He lives in Hawaii but look at him surfing
He is a god’
‘God is in everything I see because God is in my mind’
‘Course in Miracles
She looks at me
I used to think this child was mine
Seems hilarious now
stripped of role and reason
Who knew love could rip so deep
She chose her Dads house at 14
Her brother followed soon after.
Flattened by illness
I watched the same possum climb out of the tree each night
and slide down the stobey pole.
Now it’s phone parenting largely
and these grooving visits.
She will be Eighteen in three weeks
she is the universe’s child
She is amazing
Who are you when the night has come?
I am the stars and the sky, the wind in her face
as she rises on her surfboard
I am The water In the sink as he brushes his teeth.
From my bed,
I am tears and hot chest and rage and loss
I am mother rocking her in my arms
rocking him in my arms
rocking me in my arms
I am love.
‘Make sure you work out the reading glasses you need
No good being up that close to a computer screen’
She kisses me farewell through the glass door
I struggle to settle afterward
Love does that
it’s not like in the movies
No one said active addiction would be easy
Caught in its headwind
Desperate prayers spiraling in all directions
You have been consistent
Shall I call you beloved?
As you waltz me across this mother of pearl dance floor
Across our very own heart
I know your hands are in my pockets
Slowly fleecing lifeblood
As you seduce me
I know your heavenly scent upon my skin
Upon our lips
Is an idol.
Still I follow
I close my eyes
Thank you for your consistency
Your Progression can be measured
In the mounting fatigue
In the gaps between coherency.
In our two lives requiring attention
Until there is only one
given over and deplete
Am the parched sand beneath your sun
In an oasis
That never actually existed
Thank you for the lessons in impotency
Your circus of rebellion
At least I recognized completion
As I rushed past it in your embrace
And with respect for your tenacity dear addiction
I remain unconvinced of your true authority
As you clasp me like a child and draw the blinds so tight
What tender love are you needing sweet one?
That you should feel I would abandon you here?
We are the holiness of love itself
The shifting light is made up of us
The magenta crepe myrtle is bursting with us
The moon hangs herself from our silence
The stars stare back with one same jeweled eye
And This stained cloth of sin cannot touch us
What is this story
But an opportunity
to discover firsthand
That which the stars have been winking about all along
That we are home already
And have never left
Through these Holes
As I’m drawn closer to you
This false self is encumbered
With less investment
I stretch out my arms
And death chews holes
In my best dress
Thank God for you
For its through these holes
That your light
Can reach the world