I’ve spent most of my life—without always knowing—
searching for something to finish.
A moment where I could say,
“Now it’s done. Now there’s nothing more to do.”

But that moment never came.
Every glimpse of peace became another step.
Trying to find an answer to a False question.
Every relief felt temporary,
followed by new fixing, adjusting, managing, purifying…
waiting.

It was like chasing a final “now”
that always stayed one step ahead.

---

Then, recently, something unexpected happened.
Not a breakthrough.
Not an understanding.
More like a **stop**.

It didn’t come through effort.
It came through **exhaustion**.
A deep tiredness of trying to become,
to improve, to do things right.

And in that collapse—
something opened.
Not a state.
Not clarity in the usual way.
But an openness that was here
**before any trying.**

---

It felt like the end of a movie.
Not sadness.
Not happiness.
Just a soft dissolving of movement.
Time fell away—
past, future, goals, resistance, becoming.
Not as a conclusion.
But as something no longer needed.

And then I saw:
thoughts still arise.
Desire still stirs.
But they’re not binding anymore.
Even resistance is allowed.

There’s no resistance to the resistance.

Why?
I don’t know.
Maybe because it stopped working.
Maybe because grace no longer wears robes.

---

What remains isn’t an insight.
It’s not something to understand.
It’s what’s **left**
when the one trying to understand
is no longer believed.

It has no name.
It can’t be held.
But it’s **here**
before anything else.

Already whole.
Already done.
Already home.

---

If these words touch something in you—
not to explain,
but to reflect—
then that’s enough.

Not to convince.
Just to say:
you’re not alone.
And maybe,
there was nothing missing after all.

Hamid is 34, living in Golbahar, Iran, with his wife.
He works as an English teacher and has a deep love for music and singing.
More than anything, he is drawn to what feels real, simple, and close to life.