Papaji said, “It takes one twelfth of a second, and then your life is never the same.”
Our spiritual search often begins with a causeless moment of true revelation that stops us in our tracks. In just a split second one’s true nature, already whole and free, is immediately recognized. As the powerful feelings, insights, and emotions connected with that sublime moment subside, we often begin our search again, hoping for the impossible— to repeat that experience. As the following exchange with Gangaji demonstrates, inquiry can show us the way out of that mental maze to discover what doesn’t come and go.
Participant: I have a very active mind, and I have a lot of anxiety. I can get easily stressed out. I’ll lay in bed with my mind just going and going. Sometimes it feels like too much, and I’ll think, “I'm going to forget who I am right now. I’m just going to drop it all.” Immediately, it’s like a huge weight is lifted off me.
Gangaji: Yes, in that moment of innocently forgetting who you think you are or what you've learned about yourself, you are free.
It certainly felt that way, and it was so simple.
Let’s just take a moment to recognize what an important moment that was and to celebrate that. In just one split second of innocently forgetting who you think you are or what you've learned about yourself, you are free. In that split second, you experienced a weightlessness, a spaciousness, and the result was immediate, wasn’t it? The feelings you experienced in that moment might be gone, because feelings come and go, but in the moment of forgetting to obey a certain persona you had decided yourself to be, there was freedom. You didn't have to forget who you think you are and then work on getting to something else. It was just immediately apparent.
Yes it was.
I should say it is immediately apparent because, and you tell me, has that freedom you realized in a split second really gone anywhere? That lightness of being? That experience of complete unburdening?
Well, in all honesty, the stressful thoughts just came rushing back.
When the stressful thoughts come rushing back, does that underlying truth that was revealed in that moment actually go away? The personal storyline will come back, the self-definitions, the karma of all we have done and thought, yet when all of that comes back, we often neglect to see that the freedom that was revealed in that moment is actually still here.
Right now, take a moment to check, is that lightness of being still present even though all the rest has come back?
It's like I'm thinking about it, and I know that’s not it.
It’s good to see that thinking about it is a dead end, because the truth is beyond thought or what can be apprehended by the mind. You actually had a moment where this preciousness was revealed. Papaji, said, "It takes one twelfth of a second, and then your life is never the same."
Normally, when we have these moments of true revelation, they are connected with an emotion or an insight, and when that emotion or that insight passes (because they are all subject to passing), we overlook the substratum that they are passing in. This substratum does not come and go. In this moment we’re calling it “lightness of being,” but it's not limited by any name. I'm saying it is still here, and I'm inviting you right now to check and see, regardless of what you're feeling or thinking or have experienced in the past.
Closer than your personality or your history, closer than who you think you are, inside the depths of your being—what is here?
I know that is true, but …
How do you know it is true?
I just know!
Yes, you know that you know without needing any other authority. It's not that you read about it somewhere; it is that you directly experienced it. In that moment your experience was in alignment with what you know without knowing how you know. This is a beautiful experience! An essential experience. And yet all experiences are subject to coming and going. In this moment, I am pointing your attention back to what does not come and go. That is always here. When the old thoughts come back, or as the new experiences come in, what remains stable, present, unmoving?
With everything in me I know that this is true, and yet still I get lost.
Twice now you have said with deep conviction, “I know that.” Maybe you don't remember the way home right now, you're in a maze, but you know that home is home. You know it. What I’m saying is that even if you don't know the way out of the maze, you can still be at home and rest in that. Home is always here.
Many of us are born in mazes, live in mazes, and never get a taste of what it means to work our way through the maze and be home. But you have tasted it, however brief that experience may have been, and I am confirming that in you. One twelfth of a second is enough. Then, regardless of what you are feeling or thinking, and without being able to capture it or even define it, you can still be true to that. You can open your arms to that. You can surrender to that. You can say “yes” to your own self.
Yes, that is really what I want to live from!
What do you think you live from?
A lot of dysfunctional patterns.
Okay, let's say in this moment that is true, you are dysfunctional, neurotic, and traumatized. All of those are like waves on the surface of the ocean. What is in the depths? Once this is recognized, it is undeniable. It doesn't mean that in the next hour you won't have a dysfunctional personality. All that matters is that you have recognized what is real and what is always here. If it comes and goes, it is not real, it is subject to change. It can be made better or it can be made worse.
What is always here that is unchanging? This is the inquiry that I invite you to make a part of your life.
Before I met Papaji, I had had several serious spiritual practices, and I won't ever talk negatively about them. They were beautiful. I still do breathing and silent meditation practice because they are beneficial for my body and my nervous system. Yet none of these practices had actually pointed me into what is already here. Those practices were all about attaining something or getting rid of something so that I could be a better something than what I thought I was. They were useful for a time, but before meeting Papaji, I just seemed to be spinning my wheels. Finally, I prayed for a teacher who could set me free, who could help me get unstuck so that I could go to the next level.
To my surprise, Papaji didn’t give me another piece of scaffolding to stand on, and he never spoke of “levels.” Instead, he pulled the scaffolding out from under my feet. He said, "Stop, be still, stop everything,” and that terrified me. I didn’t want to become the person that I was at the beginning of my spiritual practice. He said, “There is nothing you need to do, simply make the distinction between what comes and goes and what is always here, and then tell the truth about that."
At first I was afraid to discover what might actually be here. I had told him that I wanted freedom, and yet I was also aware I was afraid of what that might mean. Once I was able to really open my mind and drop everything I thought I knew, what is always here was immediately self-evident. The truth of what is always here is so profoundly simple, so effortless, so obvious that we continually go through our lives overlooking it. Finally, I was able to tell the truth about what is here that has always been here in this lifetime. Instantly, there was and is release, rest, fulfilment, peace.
Because of my own experience I know that you also have full capacity to say yes to the truth of yourself. You don't have to do anything. You just have to be willing to recognize what has always been here. In this moment you can stop and inquire, What comes and goes and what is always here? It takes just one twelfth of a second. Will you say “yes”?
Yes! It’s why I’m here. Thank you so much.
Thank you for your willingness.
