Gangaji's Blog
The Habit of Suffering
by Gangaji
February 5, 2020

You have the capacity and the intelligence to recognize when you are involved in the habit of suffering. There is always a storyline: you’re in the story, you’re the victim or the perpetrator, and there are emotions involved – shame, despair, grief, fear, anger, righteousness, embarrassment, and all the others – all to different degrees. The story has something to do with the past and something to do with the future.

Whether you see yourself as the victim or the perpetrator in your own story of suffering, you can stop trying to fix it. Right now, if you are willing, take just one moment to stop looking for your improvement, to stop trying to fix yourself, and instead turn your attention to what you perceive or experience to be broken or needing or lacking. Take one moment and let the narrative, the story, the thought of imperfection, stop. This is the key. For a moment of true inquiry, the story has to stop.

In that willingness, the whole impetus for fixing is disengaged, and you might just find that you are no longer the victim of what you think needs fixing. Surprisingly, you will discover that what you think or feel needs fixing is actually the vehicle for discovering what is closer than what can ever be fixed, what is free of ever needing fixing, what is forever free of brokenness.

You have the full capacity to discover the immaculate fullness of who you truly are in the core. You don’t need to perfect anything to discover that. It’s already perfect.

And I don’t mean this as some kind of New Age slogan. I’m not saying that your broken body, or your broken emotions, or your broken circumstances are perfect. I’m saying that by their nature they are subject to imperfection. Who you truly are is not subject to imperfection. It is the wholeness of being, and it includes everything. It is not separate from imperfection. There is actually plenty of room in perfection for experiences of imperfection.

There is a spaciousness that is before all fixing yourself or not fixing yourself, after all of that and during all of that. If you are willing to stop all activity to fix or change anything even for a moment, then there is an opportunity to really inquire into that spaciousness. You can ask huge questions of yourself that have nothing to do with fixing yourself but have everything to do with discovering what it is that you don’t know, even if you don’t know that you don’t know it.

If you stop trying to fix yourself in this moment, if you stop trying to improve yourself, regardless of what you think needs fixing or improving, who are you, really? What is the truth of what is always here?

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