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Gangaji's Blog
Searching for Home, Part II — Finding Home
by Gangaji
January 29, 2022

“Every desire that arises in a life has at its root the one final desire for true self-recognition.”

If you are reading this, then you are already part of the mystery and grace of an earnest desire for a deeper life, a truer life, an awakened life. This desire doesn't appear for everyone, and for those to whom it doesn't appear, it may appear as strange or odd. Yet somehow, you have experienced the mystery of the call to peace and freedom within. Whether this inner quickening came upon you when you were young or just recently, this is the desire that ends all desires. Every other desire that arises in a life has at its root this one final desire for truth, for completion, for true self-recognition. It is the desire to live your life in the direct knowing of what is eternally here, and the recognition that you are never separate from this radiant, uncatchable mystery.

This that is calling you is pointing the way home. Your willingness to truly honor your own call, your own yearning, is the beginning of actually finding home.

 

When truth is objectified, it disappears.

You can expect your thoughts to play their usual tricks of postponement. You can expect the egoic mind will try to co-op that truth by objectifying it as a thing. This is the humbling. Along with the wonder that this desire has even arisen in your life, is also the sobering caution that your mind will try to deny or own the truth. Your mind will take the experience of a moment of pure revelation and use that experience to either become proud or to suffer more. When truth is objectified, it disappears.  And so begins the search once again for something more or different or better—something that can be personally attained and controlled.

Why is this? Because it is the nature of the mind. It is the play of leela, the play of consciousness. It is to be expected. When it is expected, and you recognize this play of your mind without judgment, then you also have the capacity to support yourself again by consciously not knowing anything. Then you can freshly tell the truth: What do I really want? What is my life about? What does it mean to live a deep life, a true life? What does it mean to be free, to be at peace, to really be at home in myself?

We spend so many thousands of hours of our lives searching for our true home—so many avenues we go down, so many dead ends, so many insights acquired along the way, so many false beliefs, and so many beliefs that actually support us in a deeper inquiry. Finally a moment is reached where we stop everything, and this is the moment I am always inviting you to.

As useful as all of the avenues have been, as usefully cautionary as all the dead ends have been, you have the fresh opportunity, in this moment, to simply stop searching. Stop searching for something that will save you from yourself. Stop trying to recapture a moment of true revelation. Stop hoping that you will be saved from your ungodliness and your dysfunctions. STOP. In a moment of purely stopping, true home is revealed.

Most likely you’ve had some glimpses of that stopping.  Now you are at the point where you can simply, without effort, without doing anything, allow yourself to stop being something (anything) and simply be. When you simply are, do you notice what is always here? Can you find any time when that has been absent?

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